Mindful Parenting: How to Be Present With Your Children

Something I really hate is the feeling of lying in bed at night, thinking back through my day, and knowing I really blew an opportunity to be present with my kids. I love being a dad, and so it’s hard for me to admit that these days are far more common than I would like.

Being present with the people you love, particularly young children, still requires intentionality. The everyday chaos of life, work commitments, and daily chores compete for our attention with their urgency and can easily steal it all away if we’re not making space for what we value most.

But there’s good news in all of this that I hope you’ll take to heart. We don’t have to be perfect parents to have a positive impact on our children. 

Admitting our failures and speaking openly about them can be a growing opportunity for everyone. And guess what? For those of us still in the thick of raising kids, everyday is a new opportunity to practice being present with them, and connecting more deeply– so it’s never too late to start. 

The Beauty of Being Present

What does it mean exactly, to be present with children? I’ve come to believe that it’s as simple as giving them our full undivided attention without trying to rush them along. 

When you do this, you’ll naturally be more attentive to their needs, emotions and experiences. And in doing so, you’ll be creating an environment where they can flourish and feel a sense of emotional security. 

The bond between you and your children will grow as you invite them to connect with you on a deeper level.

The Art of Mindful Parenting

We know what it means to be present with our children and the benefits of living this way— so let’s talk about some practical tips for embracing a more mindful approach to parenting that you can start applying today:

Put away your phone. 

When given the choice between an effortless and pleasurable activity (like checking my phone) and one that requires my engagement but is more meaningful (playing with my kids), my mind too often prefers what is easy. This is especially true if I’m physically or emotionally tired. 

Knowing this about myself, I know that one of the best things I can do is to leave my phone out of sight when it’s family time. When I do this, and I resolve to do it more often, I find it immensely easier to be present and savor the company of my little friends.

Listen intently.

Children are not wired for efficiency like many adults seem to be. And so their stories and explanations tend to take a long and winding path towards a conclusion. One thing I like to remind myself is that I have a choice whether to see this “feature” of children as an annoyance, or as an invitation to slow down and appreciate that productivity is far from the highest value in life. Try really paying attention when your children speak, and resist the urge to interrupt or speed them along.         

Practice empathy. 

Spend some time with young children and you’ll quickly see that their emotions have a much wider range than adults. It’s easy to let yourself feel annoyed by their lack of self-control. Compared to you, their behavior probably makes no sense. But what if instead of dismissing them as being immature, you really tried to see the world through your child’s eyes? What if you cultivated curiosity around this aspect of your kids and spent time trying to understand them?

I think this approach would result in more calmness and less stress. And it’s a lot easier than simply telling yourself to stay calm. All of us are curious in some areas of our lives (travel, news, sports) and it’s not hard to expand that interest into a new area. 

Challenges and Rewards

Mindful parenting isn’t a cure-all for every challenge a parent faces, but I do consider it to be the foundational attitude in which nearly everything else starts taking care of itself. What’s the opposite of being mindful? It’s being stressed, rushed, and distracted. 

Parenting in all its complexity simply doesn’t work well under those conditions. It’s hard to convey your love and pass along values to your children when there isn’t a base of calmness and security for those interactions to occur.

Of course, it’s not easy to change your family culture overnight. Like any meaningful life change, the key is a long, sustained effort in a new direction. Start small by practicing mindful presence at particular times in the day and build until it becomes your default response.

Not only will your kids be grateful for your new-found patience, I think you’ll find that parenting itself is so much more fun when you approach it in this way.