Turn Off the White Noise Machine

Note: This is a guest post by Emily McDermott of Simple by Emmy

After struggling with infertility for several years, I was so overjoyed about getting pregnant with my oldest son that I didn’t think much about what the newborn stage would be like. I prayed for a healthy pregnancy and delivery and was thankfully granted both of those things. While I knew intellectually that my life would never be the same after Andrew was born, it was quite another thing to live through it. The exhaustion was unlike anything I had experienced before.

I became focused on one thing in those first several months: how do I help this baby fall asleep and stay asleep? Swaddling, rocking, slings, carriers, vibrating chairs – I tried everything. Then I read about using white noise machines that could help mimic the sounds that babies hear in the womb. Surely this was the answer to all my sleep woes! I downloaded an app for our iPad and gave it a try. It definitely helped, and became one of our “must haves” in the newborn phases for both of our boys. 

It did, however, take some adjustment when our sons were sleeping in the same room as me and my husband. At first it was strange not sleeping in relative silence, but we acclimated to the white noise (or occasionally pink or brown) fairly quickly. After a while, it seemed strange not to have it anymore. The constant background noise became the norm. 

It seems, however, that newborns are not the only ones placated by constant white noise in the background. Silence is something that most of us avoid at all costs, because there is always stimuli waiting at the ready to distract and entertain us. How did we become so used to (and reliant) on white noise and why does silence seem so strange to us?

Silence is Golden

Ancient wisdom holds that “silence is golden”, and many religious leaders agreed with this tenet. Jesus often sought solitude and silence in order to pray. It is said that after Buddha was enlightened, he spent a week in silence. The prophet Muhammed is quoted as saying, “He who believes in Allah and the Last Day must either speak a good word or remain silent.”

Even today, certain cultures prize silence. Asian and Nordic cultures are noted for listening more than talking, and are comfortable with longer pauses between people speaking. For example, a 2015 study found that the Japanese were happy with silences of up to 8.2 seconds, nearly twice as long as the 4.6 seconds the Americans found comfortable.

Silence may become “awkward” for us after four seconds in conversation, but what about when we are alone with nothing else but our thoughts? One fascinating study found that participants didn’t enjoy spending time for up to 15 minutes with only their thoughts. While this isn’t surprising, the same study also found that 71% of the male participants and 26% of the female participants chose to give themselves an electric shock during the “thinking period” rather than just sitting and thinking instead.

Why are we so averse to being with our own thoughts, and are even willing to electrically shock ourselves to avoid it? The benefits of silence include decreased stress and tension, better focus and self-awareness, and even stimulating brain growth. So why do many of us avoid it? The electric shock study suggests, “The untutored mind does not like to be alone with itself.” In other words, if we are meditating, praying, or have a place for our thoughts to go, we may be more comfortable with silence. Otherwise, the fear may be that we have to face ourselves, our shortcomings, and get caught up in negative or repetitive thought patterns.

Our Modern “White Noise”Culture

For those of us who find the discomfort of silence outweighs its many benefits, we are supported by a “white noise” culture ready to distract, entertain, and fill our ears and minds with noise throughout our day. With smart devices ready to play any song on demand or stream our favorite shows, pockets of time that used to be in silence are now filled with noise.

Consider this:

• Do you listen to music or podcasts in the shower, or when you’re getting ready for your day?
• Do you have the television on when you’re drinking your coffee or eating breakfast?
• Do you turn on the radio or a podcast as soon as you get in the car?
• Do you work listening to music?
• When you go on a walk, do you always listen to something?
• Do you fall asleep with the television on at night?

I am not here to judge, because I am guilty of many of these as well. As a stay-at-home mom, most of my time is spent with my kids. If we’re not actively in conversation, we are usually listening to their favorite music or watching a movie together. When I actually have time to myself, I want to “catch up” on my favorite podcasts or shows. Sometimes I even listen to podcasts at double the speed so I can squeeze every bit of self-development out of my alone time. Even the five-minute drive to pick up my son at preschool seems strange if I don’t have the radio on in the background. Even when I meditate, I tend to pick guided meditations where there is music or speaking the entire time. 

Yet many times I feel like my mind is racing, or I can’t slow down because there’s so much I “have” to accomplish. I am prone to feeling scattered and can often be forgetful. Could the constant background noise in my life be contributing to this? What would happen if I embraced the silence I’ve been avoiding?

A Silence Experiment

In our modern lives, long stretches of uninterrupted silence seems nearly impossible. But even finding small pockets of time can allow us to enjoy the “golden” benefits of silence. Here are some “silent experiments” I’ll be trying that I invite you to try as well. The rules: no music, podcasts, phone calls, videos, or any auditory stimulation (other than what is naturally in your environment):

• Silent morning routine (shower, getting ready, and/or drinking coffee)
• Silent commute
• Silent outdoor walk or yoga practice
• Silent lunch
• Silent meditation
• Silent evening routine (getting ready for bed, falling asleep, etc.)

Remember (and I am reminding myself), we were never designed to be constantly stimulated all day. Small “silence experiments” are a great way to help rejuvenate our minds and bodies throughout the day.

Starved for Silence

In 1941, C.S. Lewis stated, “We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship.” 80 years later, this statement still holds true. The quality of our relationships- with ourselves and with others- deteriorate when we are constantly filling every moment of our day with “white noise”. Silence allows us to think more clearly, to become a better listener, and to reduce the everyday stress of our modern lives. Little by little, we can start to tolerate, and perhaps even embrace, the sweet sound of silence. 

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Emily McDermott is an Air Force wife and mom to two boys living in Fairfax, Virginia. Her blog Simple by Emmy chronicles her journey to a simpler and more intentional life.

Emily helps moms of young children understand their deepest “why”, banish decision fatigue, and make room for what matters most in her online course Moms Overcoming Overwhelm. She is also the author of the children’s book Little One and enjoys writing custom poetry, dancing, and eating peanut butter out of the jar.