What Happened When I Stopped Comparing My House to Other People’s

One thing I’ve learned the hard way is that even a little bit of comparison can be the gateway to a whole bunch of bad stuff in your life.

Several years ago I started a new job

Since we had little kids at the time, we were always looking for places to take them.

Just as luck would have it, that in this upscale town, all the best parks and pools were in rich, beautiful neighborhoods— with some of the nicest homes I’ve ever seen.

At first, it was just fun to dream, but eventually, I found those daydreams turning into a kind of obsession. Maybe it was because of the stress of my new job or some unhappiness that was brewing in my life, but I found myself yearning for what I didn’t have. To be honest, some days I was downright discontent with our modest house and our decent little neighborhood.

Looking back, I can see this was all such silliness. I have a loving wife, four beautiful children, and a great job that gives me the flexibility to spend many hours a day with them. Why was I tempted to throw all that away in pursuit of a fancier lifestyle?

As I said in the beginning

Comparison is a dangerous habit. But thankfully, I realized that while I had been regularly feeding my discontent by looking at real estate and touring these neighborhoods, I could just as easily do the opposite.

So I pulled the plug. Instead of comparing myself to those who have more, I intentionally began seeking out families who were happy with far less than we had. I filled my brain with inspirational stories about living simply and being grateful for what you have. And I prayed for a spirit of contentment.

The good news is that it worked, and it didn’t take that long. In another post, I’ll share a bunch of specific psychological and spiritual insights I learned from my time in the valley.

But here I want to share something

It’s another thing I learned, and I think it’s really crucial to say out loud: you can’t wish away your desires.

If you’re struggling with envy and discontent, you can’t just tell yourself not to feel that way. Instead, you need to fill your mind with other things, things you find compelling and beautiful. Eventually, those thoughts will fill you up and push out the less useful thoughts you had been entertaining.

That’s the secret to curing comparison and all the negative thoughts that stem from it. You have to crowd them out by nurturing a new passion in your life.