Stuff I Stopped Doing to Impress People

For too long I used way too much of my brainpower thinking about what other people thought about me, and trying to change those thoughts to be as positive as possible.

I know I’m not alone in this.

It’s one of those traits that seems to be baked into human nature. We naturally care about our status among our peers, and want to be thought of as special.

While impressing people can be a great motivator and push you to be your best, it can also be a trap.

When you’re trying to impress others, you’re generally playing by their rules. You’re concerned with signaling to them that you’re someone to look up to, and so you end up chasing traits that are easy for them to notice.

Eventually, I came to the realization that I was trying to impress people who I didn’t even aspire to be, or know that well in the first place.

What’s the point of trying to look good to someone whose values you don’t share? Or trying to seem impressive to someone you don’t hope to be like?

Those questions guided me toward a new path. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t care what people think about me at all. But I’m working hard to limit my efforts to a small number of people whose admiration I genuinely hope to earn.

Here are some of the things I’ve stopped doing in my life in order to move in this new direction:

Tracking the news so that I’m not ignorant in conversations

I used to obsess over knowing the news. I wanted to avoid the embarrassment of someone bringing up a topic in the news and me not knowing anything about it. But now, I don’t care— with a small number of exceptions. I know that I can always debate or discuss ideas with anyone, and the news isn’t the only way to know what’s going on in the world.

Keeping a tight schedule to look busy

There was a season of life in my early twenties where I became captivated by productivity and time management. I was mostly trying to impress myself with how much I could get done in a day, but I also wanted others to look at me and think I was an ambitious go-getter. Eventually I realized that filling my day with tasks didn’t always mean I was working on what mattered to me. These days I’m content to have a wide margin of unscheduled time each day.

Spending more than I’m comfortable spending

I hate admitting this, but I think it’s important to be honest for the sake of example. When we used to live in a large city, we had several friends who were substantially richer than we were. They lived in big homes, drove nice cars, and took fancy vacations. It was hard not to compare ourselves to them and eventually we started spending more to try to keep up and not look frugal by comparison. Thankfully, we reigned this tendency in before it got out of hand, but it was a dangerous path.

Dressing stylish to look cool

I’ve never been super into fashion, but there were times in my life when I tried. I did this at points in college and my early 20’s because I wanted to look cool— it was as simple as that. I wanted to have the appearance that I cared about my sense of style and paid attention to such things. These days, I recognize that cultivating a “cool” image is not only a distraction from what matters, but it tends to turn you into someone who cares way too much about the opinions of others. I try to dress in a way that is presentable, but also very practical and comfortable.

Being happy all the time

Even to this day I have a strong desire to be seen as calm and at ease. I want people to think that I have it all together or, at the very least, that I am avoiding the rat race and its attendant stresses. While that is, in many ways, a good goal, I realized that I took it too far. I became afraid to ever show stress or anxiety because it would hurt this very curated self-image I was trying to cultivate. I failed to realize that true peace isn’t just the absence of stress or the appearance of being happy all the time, but rather a deep sense of contentment that pervades all emotions.

Entering debates or arguments without good reason

A big part of my childhood identity was that I was a smart, intellectual kid. Even through college, I tried to cultivate that image by debating with people or arguing my point of view. I wanted to impress them and have them think I was smart. It’s only now that I see that the truly smart people I know almost never argue or debate just for the sake of doing so. They may engage in a good-faith discussion of ideas, but often, they are humble enough to know how little they know. I want to be more like these friends of mine, and care less about being thought of as the smartest person in the room.

Hiding my internet habits

I’ll admit that I spend a good bit of time on the internet. I enjoy reading articles that people share or just going down rabbit holes of my own interests. I used to feel embarrassed about this because I thought it would make me weird or out of touch with the people around me. And while there are certainly weird places on the internet, it’s also a place of seemingly infinite knowledge and wisdom for those who know where to look. These days, I’m proud of the ways that I’ve learned to use the internet as a tool for my personal growth.

Searching for unique opinions

For the longest time I thought it was a sign of intelligence or originality to have unique opinions on everything. It doesn’t really matter what the topic was, I just had to find a take or some angle that people weren’t thinking on. I was, of course, doing this to impress people. I wanted them to think I was smarter, or at least had some special knowledge that they didn’t. Now I think it’s far more impressive to have normal opinions that are thoughtful and well reasoned. There’s no need to be unique for the sake of being unique— just say what you think and be yourself.