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I was recently standing at the kitchen sink doing the usual dinner time prep. As I stood and watched my children run happily through our yard gathering all sorts of items to create their own “house” in their tree fort, I was reminded of a bittersweet thought.
These childhood moments are present, yet fleeting. I listened and watched. The sound of their laughter, the innocence of their play, the amusement over creating “soup” from mud, dirt, and leaves created a scene that continues to replay in my mind.
There is a season for everything, but as I stood observing, I just wanted to freeze time. I wanted to remember this stage of life– their voices, their muddy boots, the way they communicate with each other in a childlike way.
As this thought entered my mind, the bubbling pot of water on the stove demanded my attention and I was swept away from just watching and taking this scene in.
Many times, before I even come to realize it, something else is vying for my attention, pulling me away from being fully present in moments like this that I want to keep ingrained in my memory forever.
The beauty of parenthood
The role of being a parent is two-fold.
One on hand, we are the providers for these dependent human beings. Their young minds cannot properly sustain their lives in a healthy and safe manner (despite their resistance). The tasks involved with caring for them continue day after day, as mundane as they may be.
But on the other hand, they need parents who not only look after their physical well-being, but ones who are also there to give a warm embrace, a hand with building a tower, or even just to sit close to them without any interruptions.
Life is short. As my children get older and more independent, I see my tendency to look for what’s next in the day, week, or even year ahead, rather than being fully present in the current moment.
Years down the road I’ll likely stand in this exact same spot in my kitchen, making dinner as I glance out the window. I’ll no longer see little kids playing or digging in the dirt. No longer have a crying toddler at my feet waiting to be held. I’ll likely miss these days.
My hope is that I don’t look back and remember constantly rushing onto the next thing or hurrying my kids along (especially to get out the door!). In the remainder of this post, I’d like to talk about ways that I’m learning to be more present, while I enjoy the journey and not just look for the destination.
Being Present Today
- Have a plan, but don’t make it too concrete.
Having a daily rhythm is a healthy way for kids to know expectations and routines. But when this plan becomes too rigid and I don’t allow for spontaneity or the random adventure, then the routine becomes useless in my attempts at being more present with my kids.
On warm days, my daughter always asks to have a picnic at the nearby playground. I like to say yes as often as I can. The small amount of rearranging my plans allows me to prioritize what’s most important– spending more quality time with my kids rather than fitting in one more productive task at home.
- Make my daily tasks realistic.
A daily to-do list is a helpful system that allows me to feel productive and organized amidst staying home with three young kids. The key here is to make the list realistic, where there’s still enough time to interact and be present with my kids rather than cramming every free minute with another task. Three items (prioritized with the most important) is usually a do-able amount.
My house is never as clean and tidy as I’d like, but the reality is that I’m raising messy little humans, not robots. Learning to adjust my expectations has allowed me to make more realistic goals.
- Find time for myself.
One of the parts of my day that allows me to have more patience and ability to be more present with my kids is finding time for myself. Currently, this is my morning hour before the kids wake up and some afternoon time when naps/quiet time happen. When I’ve had this outlet of refreshment for myself where I can rest, read, or be productive, I’m much more likely to respond with patience and provide quality time for my kids.
- Meet them where they are.
One last way I’ve found to be beneficial for being more present is to both physically and emotionally meet them at their level. When I can be with them eye to eye (by kneeling down or sitting on the couch with them) this allows me to have more closeness as I interact and talk with them. Emotionally, I’ve found that simply asking them how their day is going, taking an interest in what they’re playing with, or asking how they’re doing allows us to connect in a more meaningful way.
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