9 Ways to Have Intentional Evenings With Your Spouse

Not long into our marriage, Mike and I recognized that if we weren’t intentional about our evenings, we would eventually slip into a relational rut.

This was our time to connect, but turning on Netflix was so easy and comfortable after a busy day.

Fast forward 10 years and I can honestly say that this is now one of my favorite parts of the day– something I look forward to and which has become one of the greatest parts of our marriage.

What have we done to transform a weakness into a strength? 

First, we decided that we were going to resist the urge to turn on the tv every night. Then, we were intentional about brainstorming a list of new ways to spend our time that allowed us to truly connect. 

From that effort, we’ve found a variety of things to do together that are fun, engaging, and have allowed us to grow closer to each other, even in the busyness of life. 

What follows are some of our favorite activities that we keep coming back to again and again. 

9 Fun Ways to Spend an Evening with Your Spouse

1. Research Nights- Okay, this one is going to make us sound SUPER nerdy, but that’s fine because it’s actually one of our favorite ways to spend an evening together. We jointly come up with a topic that we want to know more about. Then, we spend the first 10 minutes coming up with a list of questions about the topic (we split the list in 2 and each take half). After we have our list of questions, we take the next 15 minutes searching Google for reputable sources and articles that answer our questions. At the end, we share the answers with each other.

You can research anything that is interesting to you. During the election, we researched both party’s platforms and beliefs. When a family member was struggling with a heart issue, we researched ways to improve heart health. During cold and flu season one winter, we researched natural remedies to fighting sickness (and debunked many of the well known homeopathic remedies!). It’s a fun way to have a conversation and keep our brains stimulated and learning too.

2. Date dinners– This has been one of our biggest successes over the past few years. Mealtimes are rarely a peaceful time with three young kids. We realized that in order to actually sit down and enjoy our food while it’s hot, we should start doing an at-home date when the kids go to bed. We call these our “date dinners”. One of us cooks a special meal while the other does the bedtime routine. Then, at 7:30pm after the kids are down, we can enjoy our meal together, in peace and quiet, and actually have a conversation with each other. 

3. Listen to an audio book– We’ve tried reading books out loud to each other, but we just couldn’t get into that routine. However, listening to an audio book is a really relaxing and enjoyable way to read a book together. Some of our recent favorites have been A Light Between Oceans and The Chronicles of Narnia. This especially makes a great winter time activity.

4. Play a Game- We used to love playing games with friends and each other before we had kids, but nowadays our game playing consists of Hi-Ho-Cheery-O and Eye Spy. We recently got really into Gin Rummy and started a best of 1,000 tournament. It’s a card game that has just the right balance of strategy and luck and can be played as we sit and relax on the couch. 

Other fun games to play with your spouse are Mancala, Battleship, Scrabble, Yahtzee, Rummikub, Blokus, Chess/Checkers/Backgammon, Monopoly, and Ticket to Ride. 

5. Conversation topics– Mike is much more of the extrovert in our relationship. One of his love languages is quality time and conversations. We found that catching up on the day’s events and small talk isn’t really strengthening our marriage, although it is needed throughout the day. One way we like to spend an evening together is to think of 2-3 good conversation topics prior to sitting down so we can have a more thoughtful conversation. 

These topics can be anything from a parenting struggle we’ve been having, something that we read about in our devotions or a book, a new idea to try, a funny story that we wanted to share, or anything else that seems worthy of sharing for a good conversation. It’s a simple, but intentional way to have open conversation with your spouse. 

6. Massage and music– One way that we like to spend an evening, especially if it’s been a busy week and we need to wind down, is to give each other shoulder or back massages as we listen to music. Some of our favorites are The Avett Brothers and The Lumineers. It’s the perfect way to relax yet still be together. We usually pile up blankets and pillows on the living room floor to make it more like those actual massage beds. 

We both enjoy a good massage (but rarely make it out to get a professional one), so we’ve even spent one of our Research Nights learning about how to give a good massage! To make it more adventurous you can add lotion or hot oil too. 

7. Fun drinks and conversations in the summer- One of our favorite ways to spend a summer evening is to sit outside as the sun sets, sipping a fun drink or cocktail. This past summer we got into making different kinds of margaritas and it was a nice refreshing way to end the evening as we sat and talked while there was still a good amount of daylight to enjoy. 

8. Have a campfire – We’ve always loved having a fireplace in our living room for those chilly winter evenings. Listening to the sound of the fire crackling while we’re snuggled up with blankets and a hot drink is always so cozy and something we look forward to on the dark, cold winter nights. Whether we’re reading a book, listening to an audio book, playing a game, or just sitting and talking, a fire in the background creates a beautiful ambiance and gives us something to look forward to in winter. 

9. Teach your spouse a new skill– Do you have a hobby that you want to share with your spouse? Consider teaching it to them! I’m frequently asking Mike to take a picture of myself and the kids for the blog, so in order to get a clear, in-focus, well composed picture, he has to have knowledge of how to use my DSLR camera. I’ve enjoyed giving him mini lessons in the evenings to help him learn the basics of how to use manual mode and take a good picture. 

One of Mike’s hobbies is financial investing, which I honestly knew nothing about until a few months ago. He’s been teaching me about investing, similarly to how I taught him about photography. It’s always more enjoyable when your spouse can be involved in something that you’re passionate about! 

And that’s a look at how my husband and I spend most of our evenings together! Life with young kids can be tiresome, but that doesn’t mean your marriage shouldn’t stay exciting and fun. From our experience, it takes a lot more work after kids come into the picture. If you’re looking for some ways to break the “Netflix binge watching evening tradition”, I would encourage you to give some of these ideas a try.