Finding Joy in the Chaos of Parenthood

In 1910, Theodore Roosevelt gave a speech that would be one of the most renowned moments of his presidency. I’ve read and thought about this quote for some time, always coming back to it as I see many parallels to what it means to be a mother or father: 

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming” (Theodore Roosevelt’s “The Man in the Arena”)

It’s the day in and day out, the struggles, victories, and lessons learned. The trying times, long days, constant shortcomings yet devotion to succeed in many ways.

As parents, we are faced with the opportunity to raise our children each day. Each morning, we arise and enter this arena. We have ambitions, ideals, and ways we desire to raise our children.

Many times, it’s beautiful as we observe milestones of development, the amusement of innocence, and the love that is poured upon us each day, as if yesterday’s struggles or shortcomings were somehow forgotten overnight. 

But other times, being a parent is hard. Sometimes we feel like giving up. But the truth is that each day, that same arena is waiting for us. As difficult as a season may be, each day we have a choice to make before entering the arena. 

Are we going to get back up and try again when we feel worn out and depleted, or are we going to let the struggle shape what this season will be remembered by?

Why I’ve chosen to cling to joy

No matter what this season of parenthood looks like to you, it undoubtedly comes with times of joy in the midst of frustration. There’s no way around it. Children have a habit of being unpredictable, emotional, needy, and dare I say selfish? 

For me, this current season of being a parent could be overshadowed by many moments of emotional behavior, particularly from my one-year-old son. For a while now, we’ve realized that he has a strong personality. He is strong-willed and determined. He lets his requests and frustrations be known, rather loudly too! 

Many days, I’m pushed to the limit of how much crying I can take, how many power-struggles I’ll face, and how many times I’ll have to redirect him to a more age-appropriate activity (like not playing in the toilet!). 

In the midst of the chaos that may arise, I have a choice to make– will I let my frustrations take over or will I find a way to change my perspective and cling to the joy that can be found?

I know I’m not the perfect parent and will make mistakes daily. But instead of staying in that place of frustration, I can make a choice to change my perspective, attitude, or environment. In this way, I have turned even some of the most hard days into ones that can be remembered for the joy that resulted. 

Here are 12 ways that I’ve found to be simple, yet powerful in dealing with difficult seasons of parenthood. 

Ways to find joy in the chaos

1. Write down a list of what you’re grateful for today– Choosing to think of the good things in my life that I’m grateful for reminds me to be content and makes my frustrations seem smaller.

2. Take the kids outside– A change of environment and some fresh air to run and play in always seems to give us the break we need at just the right time. Whether it be a walk, bike ride, trip to the park, or even just some digging in the dirt in the backyard, taking the kids outside for a short time resets all of us. 

3. Sit and read to your kids– We’ve been really mindful about this habit in the past year as we began homeschooling, and it’s a part of our day that I really love and look forward to. I’ve been amazed at how much the simple act of sitting and reading aloud to my kids can help calm a cranky child, give us a break from a busy schedule, or wind down at the end of the day. 

4. Wake up before the kids (at least an hour)– Ever since I had a baby, I always felt better when I woke up before him or her, rather than being awakened by their cries. When I can get up at least an hour before the start of their day, it gives me time to pray, drink my coffee, and begin my day in peace and quiet. 

5. Step outside, breath, then return inside when you feel more peace– Sometimes I just need to take a short break from the cranky/whiny/needy behavior that seems to take a big toll on me by the end of the day. When I recognize my patience waning, I try to be mindful about stepping into another room or outside (if possible), taking some slow deep breaths, and staying there until I feel ready to get back to whatever I briefly escaped from. 

6. Have predictable routines throughout the day– Routines have been such an important part of my day as a homeschooling, stay-at-home-mom. The more of my day that I can give up to a regular, predictable routine where my mind doesn’t need to be constantly thinking about what’s next is a healthy strategy. 

7. Don’t just stay home– I never actually saw myself as a stay-at-home-mom, until I became one. For me, I know it’s healthy to have several out of the house plans to look forward to each week. Whether that be a playdate, bible study, Mom’s group, or some other activity, these planned activities are what makes this season much more manageable and enjoyable. 

8. Take time for yourself– I don’t know many mothers who can keep going day in and day out without even short bits of time to yourself. We need quiet times to think, process, and be refreshed. Take a walk, go for a drive, draw a hot bubble bath. Don’t forget to allow for these moments whenever possible to keep you from burning out.

9. Look back at old pictures and videos of your kids- Isn’t it funny how looking back at old pictures in a family photo book or watching videos on your phone can cause you to forget all those frustrations and feelings of overwhelm? 

10. Pray for your child in the moment– Many times in a stressful moment throughout the day, I find myself praying for strength and patience to get me through that time. I need those things for sure, but how can I pray for my child at that moment? Are they tired, sick, hurt, cranky, bored? Pray over them as you lay your hand upon them. 

11. Get down on the floor and play, tickle, snuggle, or wrestle– This one is something that my husband is really good at, because he’s such a child at heart. Many times my kids just want me to play with them. Even giving them 5-10 minutes as we play pretend, hide-and-seek, or tickle goes a long way. 

12. Early bedtime for kids– Having an earlier bedtime for the kids (7:30pm) not only gives me an end of the day break from my parenting responsibilities, but also gives me a couple of hours to spend with my husband, which is something we greatly value. This time allows me to feel rejuvenated so that when I wake up the next day, I’m ready to enter the arena of parenthood once more. 

So whatever this season of parenthood looks like right now, I hope some of these ideas of finding joy in chaos have resonated with you. Being a parent is far from an easy job, but it’s an arena that we have decided to enter into. Each day brings its own challenges, but allowing yourself to get back up again and choose joy rather than frustration is what will make this season so much more meaningful and memorable.