7 Things Happy People Never Do

I have no reservations in saying that my life is a quest for happiness. A lot of people can’t seem to admit that about themselves, or would rather frame it in a way that sounds more virtuous. 

But I think there’s virtue in aiming at a high standard, and I think happiness is what we were made to pursue, the greatest calling of all people. Now, you can look for happiness in all sorts of places. Some look in pleasure and experiences, others in sacrifice and relationships. 

I’m no relativist when it comes to this subject: I think the greatest aim is to find happiness in loving others. To love and be loved is the highest happiness we can all aspire to, and it’s something any of us can reach.

In studying the pursuit of happiness, I think there’s more to be learned by learning what to avoid. What is it that happy people don’t do? It should be your goal to mimic their lives, and so to become more like them in this way.

Here are 7 things happy people never do:

They don’t envy other people’s blessings. I have a lot of successful friends, and instead of wishing I had their lives, I just focus on all the good things I have going on. And I make an effort to be happy when I see my friends happy.

They don’t dwell on what they don’t have. I used to have really high expectations for myself, particularly in the area of career success. But then I realized this mindset was making me miserable as I was only focused on what I didn’t yet have.

They don’t focus on work at the expense of people. How many times have I shooed away my kids when I was trying to be productive? Let’s just say I’d hate to see that “lowlight” reel played back for me someday. There’s a time to work, but most of the time, there’s a minute to spare for those you love.

They don’t think exclusively about their own dreams. One huge area of growth for me is realizing that I can tie my own happiness to others. In this way, their dreams become my dreams, and their goals my own. People can’t help but notice this kind of love and will be naturally drawn to be close to you.

They don’t demand to get their own way. There’s a theme in all these points: letting go of what you want for the sake of love. If you’re out of practice, this will seem hard, like nothing but self-denial. But those who live it out will experience a gradual broadening of their own happiness as life becomes less about you.

They don’t make choices they’ll regret. Some of the biggest happiness thieves are the regrets we could have avoided. I make it a point to imagine myself as an old man and pondering what I’ll wish were true about my life. And then I try to go make that happen— a life without any major regrets.

They don’t assume the worst in people around them. A lot of people are afraid of being naive, and I’m sure that you can take it too far. But for me, I’m trying to make a habit of assuming the best in everyone. If a friend says something critical, I just assume they have my best interest in mind, even if they don’t yet know how to share a word gently. When people feel this attitude, they’ll usually soften and then rise to the new level you’ve demonstrated.