Why the Best Memories Never Involve Things We Bought

Reflecting on my past, the times I recall most vividly and with the greatest satisfaction are never the result of something I purchased.

Even our family’s 1996 Honda Accord, which carried me through highschool and college, has become more of an endearing story than a memorable experience.

At least for me, memories only become etched into my brain when they involve an intense emotion or feeling. This should make perfect sense, as that is likely a big part of why our brain evolved to remember things in the first place— to learn from powerful feelings.

It might be a feeling of pride and accomplishment from completing a difficult project or having a tough but necessary conversation. Or a feeling of pure joy from a fun and spontaneous adventure with one of my close friends. It could be something as simple as a meal we cooked and enjoyed together on a warm summer evening as the sun was setting.

All of these examples involve people and relationships, characters we care about, and rich textures of sights, sounds, and smells. They involve doing something, and not merely consuming something with the swipe of a card or click of a mouse.

Sure, things we buy can make life more comfortable and open up new ways of enjoying life. But on their own, they don’t form the backbone of a well-lived life. That’s why I’m determined to spend as much time as possible doing things that have the potential to become cherished memories.

If new “stuff” doesn’t make a huge dent in your well-being, what does? I’m glad you asked. Below is a list of life experiences I’ve had that have encouraged me, lifted my spirits, satisfied my deepest longings, and challenged me to grow. Hopefully it inspires you to pursue similar paths.

Challenging myself and proving to myself that I’m not as lazy as I thought

In the past two years, I’ve completed my first half marathon, and then went on to run two full marathons in the span of 6 months. This is by far the most intense physical challenge I have ever undertaken, and the hardest thing I’ve ever trained my body to do. My whole life I have seen myself as someone who wasn’t a hard worker, and certainly not one who loved to sweat. But by setting a huge goal and steadily chipping away at it, I’ve come to see myself in a new light. No longer do I fear hard things that take a long time to achieve. I feel that any time I’m feeling lazy in some area of my life, I can draw on the confidence that I’m a marathon runner, and we don’t give up easily.

Making my wife laugh until we’re both in tears

Now there’s a type of laughter you have when something funny happens and you laugh. But there’s another kind of laughter entirely that happens when something is funny, but maybe not THAT funny, but the laughter itself and the way your friend is laughing just sets you off in a way that leaves you both in tears. This is a rare kind of laughter that doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s bliss. And if you laugh that hard in front of someone, you know they must be a close friend.

Learning something new and feeling myself grow in the process

In the past 18 months, I have become deeply interested in investing. I used to think that investing was all about predicting what would happen next in the economy so that you could put your money to work in the right way. But I’ve come to see investing as much more akin to problem solving and trying to figure out the world. Investing is a giant game with lots of players, and the better you understand the rules of the game, the better you’ll do. It’s not as important to know what will happen next, and much more important to see what’s happening now before others do. It has become a lifelong passion of mine to keep learning about this subject, and I’m grateful for the rich memories that have already accompanied my reading and studying.

Traveling somewhere new with my family and getting to experience a new place through their eyes

Back in 2019, my wife and I took a trip to the UK to visit her brother who was studying there at the time. This was our first time traveling to Europe, and we packed our carry-on bags and headed out for a 2-week adventure. I still have vivid memories of this trip, such as walking the hilly streets of Edinburgh for the first time after a 3-hour train ride from London, hearing the rich reverberations of Westminster Chapel’s choir or staring down into the Cliffs of Moher on a rainy day in the Irish countryside. These experiences come flooding back into my mind all at once, in a way that no single purchase ever has.

Raising thoughtful, kind, and responsible children with my wife

One of my greatest joys is watching my children grow and mature over time. I have 4 children between the ages of 5 months old and 8 years old, and they are all deeply cherished. At this age, change is happening rapidly, and there is no greater gift than getting to observe them grow and learn. I love it when they ask a good question, or show kindness towards a younger sibling. Those are memories I will hang on to for life.

Spending quality time with friends apart from any responsibilities or other agendas

As a father of young children, one of my biggest challenges is finding time to prioritize friendships. It’s no longer as simple as hanging out with buddies after work or my college roommates on a weekend morning. Every minute of my day is accounted for, and it’s not always easy to justify taking an hour or two to myself. But I’ve come to realize that friends are an essential aspect of life, and my life is simply better and more enjoyable when I’m able to make time for them.

Doing something stupid and living to tell the tale

I’m convinced that not all good memories are simply about doing the right thing or the smart thing. Many of my most vivid memories are of the silly things I’ve done and the stories they left me to tell. For example, one time back in college, a friend and I decided to take a spontaneous road trip from Pennsylvania to Chicago to visit a friend. Upon arrival, we discovered he wasn’t even in town, so we spent the night in a parking lot, crashed a wedding the next day and then drove back home. Life is for living, and part of the experience is getting into healthy amounts of mischief.

Falling asleep tired but satisfied from a day’s labor

One of my favorite feelings in the world is climbing into bed at night and feeling fully justified in doing so. It’s a good feeling to know that you worked hard, did your best, and now get to rest. Whether it’s a mental challenge or something physical, the satisfaction is the same. It’s not about working yourself to the bone, but about the innate human desire to test our limits and see what we’re capable of.