Things I Thought I Needed Until I Lived Without Them

If you’re like me, the list of things you think you need to live a happy life is probably quite long.

It could be a long list of material possessions, but more than likely it’s the combination of those things and a particular set of circumstances you desire, or a specific version of yourself you think is necessary.

We carry around these mental lists in our head about what we want and what we need— and give ourselves permission to be unhappy until we get them. But what has been both humbling and liberating is to find that so many of these needs dissolve upon closer inspection.

I know this because I’ve lived without many of the things I thought I needed, and I’ve both survived and grown in my contentment of simple, ordinary pleasures. Some of these “needs” have returned to my life and others have not, but the important lesson was learning that I didn’t need them as much as I thought.

Here is a list of things I thought I needed, until I lived without them:

A phone with service

Due to a minor error in my budget, I missed a payment for my cell phone bill and found myself without service for nearly a week. In the past I may have panicked, but this time I simply viewed it as an opportunity to go without. To my surprise, I didn’t miss the constant availability. I could still connect to wifi at home and work, but the idea of not always being reachable was a pleasant one. We all got along fine without phones just a few decades ago!

A clear purpose

In the past, I would become anxious at the thought of being without a clear purpose in my life—some central thing that I was striving towards. But now I view this as an optional element of life, at least in the short run. It’s ok to drift for a while, or to explore different interests without a clear destination in mind. Not that we should ever give up striving to be a better version of ourselves, but there is a season for everything.

Breakfast or lunch

Another thing I thought I needed was 3 meals a day, every day. I was afraid of being hungry because I thought it might make me angry, or weak, or distracted, or grumpy… the list goes on. And of course, sometimes skipping meals can occasionally cause those things. But I’ve learned in the art of intermittent fasting that this isn’t always the case. Sometimes being hungry is just being hungry, and it makes you grateful for the morsel of food you do get when you finally eat.

Robust, convenient health insurance

Health insurance in the United States is often tied to your job, and for many years I believed I needed to have a good plan in place to give me peace of mind. But for now, I operate with a high deductible, which means I pay out of pocket for most of my medical expenses. Instead of the fear of this situation adding stress, it actually helps me to be more aware of costs which I believe are mostly hidden in our health care system.

A longer night’s sleep

I’ve always been a sleeper, enjoying the comforts of my bed and the security of a long night’s sleep. But here’s the truth: You can get by with a lot less sleep than you think, at least in the short run. I’m not recommending this as a permanent lifestyle, but sometimes life throws us curveballs and we operate in survival mode. Knowing that we can get by is an empowering thought.

The right mood to write

I don’t know where I picked up the belief that I needed to be in a certain mood to carry out my creative work—probably from too many movies romanticizing the artist’s lifestyle. What I’ve since learned is that the writer’s life is more about discipline than inspiration, which is probably true of any vocation. And although it’s hard to get started, I feel a real happiness when I’m writing, even if it’s only through the effort of a will that I get started.

Clarity to make a decision

I was once paralyzed with indecision because I felt I needed more clarity before making the call. But what I’ve found is that when I do pull the trigger, it’s amazing how often the fog lifts. And when it doesn’t, it proves to be the kind of decision where the stakes aren’t quite as high as I imagined.

Time to read books

At almost any stage of life, it feels like we are busy, and setting aside time for leisure activities like reading a book feels like a luxury. I’ve often told myself that I would read in the future when I have more time, but that time never seems to come. This imaginary idea of a future when I have time is not a need, because I have lived without it. For the past few months, I’ve made more time to read books by watching less TV—time is more elastic than we think.

Dessert after dinner

I have a sweet tooth, and if I’m being honest, it’s a leaning towards an unhealthy attachment. I’ve fallen into the habit of having a dessert after dinner, and it became such a regular rhythm that I considered it a “need” of sorts. Why fix what’s not broken, I thought? But recently I gave up dessert because my wife and I are making a concerted effort to be more healthy, and I found that after the initial days, I didn’t miss it at all. Part of the fun of eating sweets is the contrast with the rest of our diets anyway.

An outlet to vent

For a long time, I believed that when I was upset about something, the best thing I could do was to vent my frustrations to a friend. This kind of thing is encouraged with the old adage that a problem shared is a problem halved. But in 2023, I experimented by not dumping my emotions and just dealing with them—untangling them in my own mind and letting the dust settle on its own. While it’s nice to have a friend to turn to in need, this is not as universal a need as I once thought.