How to Make a Decision When You’re Overwhelmed by Options

All of life is one big tradeoff, or that’s the way it feels sometimes. When we choose to focus our energy and resources on one thing, it’s usually at the expense of another good thing.

Some trade-offs that I’ve been wrestling with recently include the following:

• Ambition vs contentment – The bigger my goals, the more excitement I feel about the future, but the harder it is to enjoy the present moment.
• Productivity vs curiosity – I can have laser-focus to get the job done, or allow myself to explore, play, and imagine new possibilities.
• Saving vs spending – I can enjoy some things now, or save our money, and have more options down the road.
• Strict vs lenient – As a parent, I can be consistent and strong in my discipline, or more relaxed, and focused on giving freedom and grace.
• Planned vs spontaneous – I can plan my days, weeks, and years, or embrace serendipity and learn to enjoy the journey as it unfolds.
• Relationships vs tasks – I can spend a little more time with people, or a little more time getting things done.
• Variety vs focus – I can say yes to exciting new opportunities that could change everything, or just focus on what’s already on my plate.
• Time vs money – I can spend money to save time, or spend time to make more money.

The Downside of Too Many Choices

It seems like the internet has magnified these questions. By many measures, we have more choices to make than ever before, or at least more knowledge of the different choices we might make. And with more choices comes more decisions, and more tradeoffs.

In his book, The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz warns that too many choices might have its drawbacks. At some margin, having more choices becomes overwhelming, and can lead to less satisfaction with our selection— we’re left wondering whether we would have been happier by choosing another path.

Lately I’ve been feeling a vague uneasiness about some of the tradeoffs in my life. It’s not that I have any particular conviction that I’ve made the wrong ones, just the mental clutter of wondering what it is I really want, and whether my choices are mapping up with my values.

The Importance of Self-Knowledge

When this happens, what usually helps me is taking my cluttered, unfocused thinking and applying a simple framework to the decisions I’m making. The first thing I like to do is to put things in perspective, and assess the situation from a cool-headed point of view.

In regards to tradeoffs in life, I see two realities that are important to keep in mind:

1. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. 

All or nothing thinking is a common, but less mature response to uncomfortable trade-offs. Even with a clear set of personal values, there are going to be times you have to de-emphasize something good in your life. But choosing to focus doesn’t mean you have to be completely on or completely off— a little bit can still go a long way.

For example, in this season of life I’m working on quite a number of projects, and trying to be a good husband and father. That means I’m doing less reading, and greatly simplifying my exercise routine.

But even with less reading time, I can still squeeze in a book here and there. And my long-term health is too important to neglect, so I’m still doing a long, daily walk, but very little in the way of strength training. 

2. It’s hard to know what you’ll want in the future.

Sometimes the idea of something is better than the reality. That truth isn’t hard to believe, but it is hard to feel, because in the moment, the only thing we feel is the desire for what we don’t have.

It’s also true that our preferences change a good bit over the long-term and even in the short-term, too. If I look back over my life, I can see all sorts of “phases” I went through, where something new came along that promised to be very important to me, but soon faded from my life.

I’ve seen this enough times to be a bit wary of the “next big thing” in my life, or at least caution of throwing my old goals out the window too quickly. This self-knowledge raises the values of goals and values that have stood the test of time, as they are likely to be important to me in the years ahead.

Practical Advice for Making Decisions

After reminding myself of what’s true, and clearing away some of the clutter from my thinking, the next thing I do is think about the advice I would offer a friend in the same situation.

Instead of asking, “what should I do?” asking “what would I tell a friend” puts you in a much more clear-headed frame of mind. You’re much more likely to offer simple, actionable advice, and honestly, much kinder in your advice too. We tend to want to “punish” ourselves with extreme advice, but would be much more reasonable towards a friend.

In regards to weighing various trade-offs in life, here is the advice I would offer a close friend:

Make a choice; don’t be paralyzed by indecision. If the choice has you tied up in knots, it’s probably because it’s too close to call. Ask 1 or 2 friends for an opinion, and then make a decision. It’s hard to know what we’ll want in the future, so the quicker you decide, the sooner you’ll have real life feedback on what is working.

Write it down to avoid fuzzy thinking. Nothing forces clarity like having to write it down. There are so many times I’ve thought I had a good idea, only to start writing and realize I had no idea what I was talking about. If you’re weighing options, try writing down your decision to be clear on what you think you’re gaining and what you think you’re giving up. This documentation helps with my last tip.

Make a change quickly, but then stick with it. As a rule, I think most people are too slow to change the status quo in their lives, but then too quick to give up on a new idea. Knowing that, I recommend leaning in the opposite direction— if you’re not happy, make a change quickly, but decide in advance how long you will try it out before going back. 

Reflecting on these changes with someone you care about. If you want to grow from experiments and changes in your life, then it’s important to close the feedback loop and reflect on what’s gotten better or worse. You won’t know until you try, but you won’t learn unless you reflect. Because we’re prone to blindspots, it’s so helpful to do this reflection with a spouse or close friend who really knows you.

I hope that helps. This finite world will always be full of trade-offs, but with a little clarity to our thinking, we can make small steps towards a better life.