How to Become a Better Version of Yourself By Resisting Complacency

One of my core beliefs, derived from my Christian faith, is that what comes natural or easy to us isn’t always what’s best for us. Many people across time, geography, and belief systems have come to a similar conclusion— that human goodness isn’t automatic, it must be cultivated and grown.

If you’ve had the experience of parenting or watching young children, you’ve seen firsthand that, while full of curiosity and cuteness, they can be quite selfish and mean towards each other. When given the choice, they will usually choose to avoid struggle and reach for instant gratification.

As we mature, some of these battles get easier, but that growth typically doesn’t happen without being taught, trained, and encouraged in a positive direction.

Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you have to settle for the version of yourself that you are now. A better version of yourself is achievable with practice, but won’t emerge without intentional effort.

What we consider good, worthy, and honorable is of course a product of our personal morality. But what I’ll share below is a based on a set of values that I think many will find desirable. These are the regular practices that I keep turning back to in order to keep making imperfect progress towards the best version of myself. 

Challenge yourself to do hard things. It seems to be a universal law that growth only happens through struggle and challenge. It’s ony when we’re pushed out of our comfort zone that we see our bodies and minds forced to grow. Unfortunately, our society is one that increasingly values comfort and delivers ease if you have the money to afford it. You must seek out opportunities for hard things and commit to doing them.

Practice hospitality on a regular basis. Naturally, we’re focused on ourselves and what we want out of life. That’s why inviting people into your home and caring for their physical and emotional needs is one of the greatest ways to shape yourself into a less selfish person. Practice hospitality regularly by putting dates on the calendar even before you feel ready for it.

Read books that challenge you to think deeply. There’s more ways to entertain ourselves than ever before— and let’s behonest, they’re more enjoyable than ever. But many of those activities, while pleasurable, are the equivalent of junk food for the mind. The best version of you is one that has engaged with important idas, wrestledd with the thoughts of those who came before you, and opened yourself up to many different perspectives.

Look for tangible ways to brighten someone’s day. Good intentions aren’t enough. Being a friend is about more than just caring for someone and staying in touch, it should mean that you go out of your way to make their lives better. Once your tuned into these opportunities, you’ll see them everwhere— pick a meal for a busy friend, help them with a project, or offer to watch their kids for the afternoon while they enjoy a break.

Occasionally deprive yourself of comforts. Market capitalism is both a gift and a danger. It’s brought up more affordable goods than those before us could have ever imagined, something we should all be grateful for. But there’s a danger that lurks in a society filled with constant abundance and endless choice— we risk becoming entitled and ungrateful for all that we have. One easy and powerful way to combat this mindset is to occasionally deprive yourself of these things, so that you remember how blessed you are.

Prioritiz a healthy body and mind. As embodied beings, our bodies themselves have an important say in both how we feel and what we can do with our lives. If we’re frequently sick or tired, it’s impossible to become all that you can be. It’s those who are filled with vitality who are able to pursue lofty goals and ambitious projects.

Combine radical honesty with gentleness. One thing I’ve learned is that there are certain traits that tend to go together. I know people who are strong and honest, or conflict-avoidant and empathetic. It’s rare that one person can acquire traits that make them both strong and gentle, and so it’s important for first of all understand your natural tendencies and secondly to push yourself in ways that go against that grain.

Use your words to encourage and build other’s up. One of the highest leverage ways to change yourself and benefit those around you is to harness the immense power of your words. I remember in highschool realzing that I could just ask people questions, no matter who they were, and that this could be a way to help others feel welcomed or more comfortable. I learned that my world could be larger and my life richer, simply by opening my mouth and speaking simple words.