Why Is It So Hard to Be Grateful?

It had been a while since we’d gotten into the habit of encouraging our daughter to say the dinnertime prayer. She was four years old and able to vocalize aspects of her young life to be grateful for and could act as an example to her younger brothers.

Head bowed, hands folded, she quipped a prayer that I still remember several years later. 

“Dear Jesus, thank you for our food. I’m grateful for what I have, but I just want a few more things, please. Amen.”

I’ll admit, many times as a parent, I’m on the verge of holding back laughter at some of the witty things my young children come up with– this prayer being one of them. 

But even though we initially found humor in her childlike request, the reality of it struck me. If gratitude is a virtue so highly desired, why is it such a struggle to authentically live out, even for adults?

Many would agree that being ungrateful is the #1 reason why we continue to desire more. I believe the desire for wanting more has been a main contributor to why so many people are overwhelmed with clutter, live stressed and anxious lives, and are faced with debt– our lives can quickly spiral when we think that one more “thing” can solve all of our problems.

Over the past few years as we’ve tried to intentionally live out our own simplicity journey, it’s allowed me to have moments to reflect on what I truly value and how to model those ways for my children to see.

Being ungrateful for what I have is an easier emotion to display than I’d like to admit. I believe the struggle with gratitude can be summed up in two main causes– comparing ourselves to others and when novelty becomes ordinary. 

In this post, I’ll speak of these two struggles, how they’ve personally impacted my life, and some ways that I’ve been able to practice gratitude each day.

The Struggle for Gratitude

Comparison is the thief of joy.

With over 7 billion people in the world, we have the opportunity to observe many other lives and glimpse into what makes them different and beautiful. It’s a fascinating chance to see how others live and view what makes them unique. 

But if we’re not careful, this passive watching of others and seeing their talents, successes, beauty, careers, wealth, material possessions, and even marital status begins to flow into the inner workings of our mind. 

We see who they are, what they have, and it seems pretty. So we start desiring that for ourselves, thinking that if only we had that career, item, or status, we’d be better off. 

The old proverb stating, “the grass is always greener on the other side” continues to permeate it’s message in our lives. What others have is usually better than what we have, and so a spirit of discontentedness becomes rooted in our souls, robbing us of joy and allowing us to lose gratitude for who we are or what we have. 

For me, I know social media can be a main culprit of comparison in my life. When I begin to feel the emotions of jealousy and guilt creeping in, I know that’s my cue to take a break from it and focus on aspects of my own life that bring me joy.

When novelty becomes ordinary.

Another reason we lack gratitude is because the novel eventually wears off and becomes ordinary.

Our brains are attracted to pretty things, new possibilities, exciting adventures, or even something as simple as a new smell or sound. It intrigues us and leaves us with a feeling of satisfaction and pleasure. 

But when the novelty wears off and we no longer value what we have, we tend to look for the next new thing. And the cycle of being ungrateful for what we have continues as we reach for something more. 

The solution, I believe, to holding onto novelty before it becomes ordinary is by taking regular breaks– fasting from novelty. 

We’ve recently made the simple decision to move our firepit from a location in our backyard, to a much closer spot on our patio. An hour later, we marveled at how much easier and enjoyable it would now be to have campfires in the evenings after we put the kids to bed. 

For several nights after, we enjoyed many hours around our “new” firepit as we relaxed, enjoyed good conversation, and the sounds of a crackling fire in front of us. But after a few weeks, the novelty of sitting around a fire with a cold drink began to dwindle.

A solution to this, I believe, can be found in fasting from novelty– taking regular breaks from enjoyable things to preserve the pleasure over the long-term and make you grateful for their presence in your life. 

We’ll still enjoy our cozy piece of outdoor living by our firepit, but have learned that doing it less frequently allows us to cherish those opportunities and be grateful for them even more. 

6 Ways to Practice Gratitude Each Day

Declutter your things. When we view our possessions amidst a sea of options, it’s easy to lose value for what we have. Each time I declutter my own closet, I’m always left with more gratefulness over seeing the items hanging that I love, actually wear, and make me feel good. Getting rid of clutter in your home allows you to see what’s most important by removing the excess that just adds noise. 

Begin a gratitude journal. For years, I’ve heard people talk about how creating a gratitude journal allowed them to begin each day with a fresh mindset and positive attitude. So, a few years ago I began my own gratitude journal. Upon waking up each morning, I open my journal and write out 3-5 things that I’m grateful for. Instead of opening up social media or letting my mind run to the tasks or burdens on my plate, I’m reminded to focus on the blessings in my life. 

Fast from novelty. When we place a conscious limit on an area in our life, we choose to give our minds and bodies a rest from that particular activity, so that we can preserve the pleasure and become more grateful each time we do it. Fasting gives us a renewed appreciation for life’s free pleasures and more gratefulness for what we have. 

Don’t take things for granted. Get in the regular practice of noticing the things in your life that are already present and abundant, from the smallest of things to the biggest. For me, some of these are being able to sleep in a warm, comfortable bed each evening, having healthy, active children, and living in a community where I feel safe and supported. 

Learn to appreciate your own gifts and talents. We are all blessed with certain abilities and personality traits. It’s what makes us unique and for that, we should be thankful. Learn to appreciate your own life and talents. Positive self-talk is one way to do this. It’s an optimistic voice in your head that affirms and encourages you to feel good about your life circumstances. Instead of viewing what others have, try practicing a vocalization of what you’re grateful for. 

Do something to serve someone else. We feel good when we’re able to help others in a time of need. Serving others allows us to not only bless them with a gift, act of service, or another way of uplifting them, but also triggers those “feel good” chemicals in our brains, which fuels our tendency towards compassion rather than being focused on ourselves. Try raking leaves or pulling weeds for a neighbor, cooking a hot meal for a family who just had a baby, visiting a friend who might feel lonely, or donating gently used clothes to a homeless shelter. It’s hard to feel ungrateful when our service is rooted in compassion and kindness.