Evenings That Actually Feel Restful

For many of us, the quiet hours after dinner comprise the only portion of the day we truly get to choose how to spend. A typical work day has us fitting our activities around responsibilities and priorities, but in the evening, we’re unshackled.

My wife and I have three young children, and our evenings are an especially cherished part of our day. We spend time with our kids, put them to bed, and then get to enjoy a couple hours of relaxation together.

I can remember a season of our lives not that long ago when most of our evenings were spent in front of the TV. We thought this would be the best way to wind down after a long day, but we got to the end of those nights feeling like our lives had passed us by. We wanted our evenings to feel restful, but also for them to carry a bit more meaning.

What follows below are the distilled lessons of the many conversations my wife and I have had about how to make our evenings the best they can be. There’s nothing magical about our list, but taking the time to reflect and make some clear decisions about how you’ll spend your time is the first step to taking back your evenings.

Go screen free for an hour before bed

I don’t know about you, but when I’m using my smartphone or watching TV, I find it hard to put down. The excitement of the next piece of content or the next plot twist keeps me reaching for more. It’s not relaxing at all, and several studies now indicate that it significantly reduces sleep quality. The best thing we did for our evenings was to eliminate screens altogether for the last hour of our day. I now close my day with reading and it’s a lot nicer way to wind down before bed.

Don’t bring your work home with you

One of the things I’m most grateful for in my life is my work, which I enjoy most days and find challenging in a good way. But I also love the fact that I can leave it behind when I come home from work and then focus completely on my family. Maybe your work, like mine, is impossible to leave behind sometimes, but when you’re home, try to be fully there, and take full advantage of your evenings to actually get away from it for at least a few hours.

Try to fight the evening munchies

I remember a few years back when my wife and I would have a snack box in our living room filled with unhealthy treats. We thought of it as a fun, harmless treat to enjoy while watching TV, but it left us feeling sluggish before bed.

Set the tone with dim lighting

The time in our lives when we used to watch the most TV was also a time when we left the ceiling lights on in our living room. We kept those lights on because they helped to reduce the glare from our TV screen, but now, instead, we turn on a small lamp in the corner of the room. The dim lighting completely changes the mood of the room. Watching TV doesn’t feel right in that atmosphere, but it’s the perfect setting to relax, read, or have a conversation.

Be spontaneous and don’t overplan

Just about everything in my life these days has some amount of structure. I have to be in a certain place at a certain time, or I have to be working on a particular project. I love that I can open my evenings to being spontaneous. As a family, we might decide to go out for ice cream at 7 pm or take a walk around our neighborhood. I might decide to call my dad for an impromptu chat or work on a home project that’s been on my mind. The freedom of a loose plan is, to me, the epitome of an enjoyable evening.

Stretch and release the day’s tension

Now that I’m in my mid-thirties, I notice that I sometimes carry stress or tension in my body in a way I hadn’t noticed before. Sometimes I hold my muscles in my jaw or shoulders in a tightened state without thinking about it. For me, one of the most restful things I can do in the evening is a simple stretching routine. I mostly focus on the areas that I feel tightest from spending too much in front of my computer screen—my shoulders, lower back, and glutes. I always try to go to bed having stretched out those muscles and feeling relaxed.

Connect with someone you care about

When I look back over the past year, the evenings that stand out and feel most restful are those where my wife and I talked for an hour or two after putting our kids to bed. Sometimes we’ll talk about our day, or about things we’re thinking about, and sometimes we’ll just get silly and enjoy each other’s company. These are the times I feel most alive, and I wish they could go on and on. In my opinion, there’s no better way to spend an evening than with someone you care about.

Put the phone away and be present

The past few years, I’ve developed a very strange habit of reading a book on the couch, but every couple of minutes, I pull out my phone and check the news or sports scores. I can’t explain why I do it, but I do know that it disturbs my reading rhythms and distracts me from the flow. My evenings feel far more restful when I put my phone completely away and focus on the activity I really wanted to be doing.

Don’t try to be ultra-productive

While I enjoy the many seasons of my life when I’ve leaned hard into my goals and made some great progress, that’s not the kind of evening I typically want to have during a normal day. If I tried to be productive all the time, I’d never be able to let my mind wander or feel truly relaxed. There’s a kind of rest that you can still achieve when you’re working on a project that you find deeply meaningful, but on your ordinary days, I think it’s a good idea to let your evenings be a time of leisure.

Reflect on your day and plan for the next

While I don’t want to spend my evenings in a productivity mode, I do think that spending some time thinking about your next day is a wise use of that time. I usually try to spend about 15 minutes looking over my planner, assessing what I got done that day, and deciding on my priorities for the next. Somehow, having that bit of clarity before bed helps me to calm my mind and reduce any anxious thoughts that might keep me from falling asleep.