8 Self-Improvement Mistakes You Might Be Making

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been interested in improving myself. At various points in my life, the motivation for growth was different. There were seasons where I wanted a better job, to attract a good spouse, to be a better athlete, to get healthier, to learn more about the world, become a better parent, or simply to become a more loving and selfless person.

This urge to improve and progress as an individual is a good one, provided it doesn’t grow out of proportion. There is such a thing as being too self-focused, even when it comes to improving good qualities about yourself. It’s easy for it to become a status-seeking pursuit that simply trades growth in one area for a loss of self-awareness in others.

That being said, the impulse to fight complacency and make yourself and the world around you better is one I want to encourage. We all benefit when our friends, neighbors, and fellow citizens are developing into fit, productive, moral individuals.

To that end, I want to lay out a few of the stumbling blocks that I’ve tripped over or seen others struggle with in my years of writing on the subject. I hope these spur you towards a more intentional pursuit of the good life we all seek to live.

Making the stakes too high. Many people mistakenly believe that they need a huge, impossible goal to stay motivated. The truth is that big goals are really exciting in the beginning, but soon feel like a burden to carry. For most of us, it’s easiest to stay motivated by making tangible progress towards an attainable goal.

Not having a deep enough motivation. Self-interest is a typical spark that sets people on the path of self-improvement. They want to look better in the eyes of others. While this isn’t wrong, per se, it’s rarely the kind of fuel that keeps people going in the long run. We have a deep need to feel that our efforts connect us back to something bigger and more meaningful than ourselves.

Expecting instant results. If results came instantly, most people would be able to get almost everything they want out of life. The reality is that we often have to make investments into our lives for weeks and months before seeing the early signs that our efforts are making a difference. During this period, it’s essential to find a ritual, such as checking off your actions each day, that keeps you motivated.

Not creating a feedback loop. Without pausing to reflect on what’s worked or hasn’t worked, few of us are good at making adjustments to our original plan. We tend to err on the side of giving up too soon or stubbornly sticking to what isn’t working. I’ve found that committing to reevaluate a plan after a set period of time, ideally with input from a close friend, is a smarter way to make these decisions.

Comparing yourself to others. While it’s okay to be inspired by the good things you see in someone else’s life, regular comparison leads to nothing but dissatisfaction. Sure, envy can be a powerful motivator, but it burns out quickly and tends to be a hard habit to break. If you do make progress, you’ll simply compare yourself to another person. There are, of course, healthy and unhealthy ways of making such comparisons, but it’s far better to compare yourself to who you were in the past, while striving towards a tangible vision for the future.

Not creating an actionable plan. I have spent far more time than I’d like to admit daydreaming about self-improvement. It’s fun to imagine yourself having already achieved the thing you hope to do, without even having to lift a finger. But, of course, this is just a waste of time. This kind of dreaming is a form of procrastination that takes the edge off your frustration without making any demands. Any plan to improve oneself should quickly be turned into a plan of action.

Fear of failure that prevents action. Another mistake I’ve made is to come up with a great plan for self-improvement, but always with the intention of implementing it at some point in the future. Until then, you keep on perfecting the plan and reading about the subject. I’ve learned, at least for me, this is a form of fear. I have a deep fear of trying to succeed and failing. Until I really try, I can tell myself that I haven’t reached my goals because I haven’t prioritized it.

Not adapting to setbacks. I can’t help but think of the famous Mike Tyson quote, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” In the same way, every plan for self-improvement cannot count on a straight line of progress with no setbacks. We’re humans, after all, and that means we must account for temptations, emotions, and distractions. Start with a good idea of what you’ll do when those challenges arise, so that you won’t be caught off guard.

Self-improvement is not just a task for the young and ambitious—at every stage of life, no matter our responsibilities or context, we can seek to become the best version of ourselves that we can be. If you believe, like me, that life is a gift we are to steward well, then there ought to be an urgency to the work of developing your inner and outer self. Please consider these common mistakes, and commit to vigorously pursue all that is good and true.