7 Ways to Stop Caring What Your House Looks Like to Guests

If we desire to live with less stress, the most obvious place to start is removing the stressors we ourselves have added to our plate.

One of the biggest sources of internal stress that I’ve heard from friends and family is a feeling of embarrassment about the current state of their home, and all the worries that come with what others will think of them.

I’ve felt those feelings too, and I know just how real they can feel. There’s nothing wrong with desiring a clean, organized, and beautiful space, but at a certain point those ideals can become a burden when they are lifted out of the broader context of a happy, healthy life.

The first step to untangling yourself from these restrictive expectations is to realize they exist, and realize they are self-imposed. You have decided to care, and so you can decide to care less.

On paper, it might seem like a good thing to care about making your home look nice for others. But sometimes even good desires can block our view of still better ones.

Here’s a case in point: research has consistently shown that clutter, dim lighting, and other environmental features can increase stress and anxiety in those living in the home. I can attest to this sense of unease, and have even written about applying minimalism to my environment as a solution.

You may not realize it, but when you are worried about having guests over in a cluttered home, what you are worrying about is them feeling stressed while in your home. So it all comes back to a desire that your guests have a pleasant, enjoyable experience visiting you.

There’s a better way to achieve that goal than making sure your house passes some aesthetic checklist. And that way is to begin optimizing your home for what really matters: how people feel in it, and how well your environment is supporting your goals and values. The best way to do that is to make sure your house is clean, your home is full of natural light, and that your home is organized. In that way, you’ll be prioritizing the lived experience of being in your home, rather than caring what it looks like on a Pinterest board or Instagram post.

Decorating your home with lots of art and decor

It’s nice to have a few central pieces of art or other decorations around your home, and I do think art can be a nice expression of who you are. But be on guard against trying to fill all the blank spaces in your home with “stuff” just to make it look cool. Many of us already own too many things, and so we don’t need to buy more unless we’re truly inspired by it. This will only make it harder to maintain a clean and organized home, and the clutter is very likely to increase your feelings of stress.

A home full of the latest and greatest technology

We live in a technological age, and it seems there’s always something new to buy. From the Apple Watch to smart speakers to voice-activated lightbulbs, the list never ends. Perhaps it’s just me, but I find it overwhelming to be in a home filled with all these gadgets. And I can’t imagine the work it would take to keep them all updated, and functioning as they should. Simplicity in this area is a huge benefit in my life, and many others, and so I wouldn’t want to see anyone spending money just to give off an impression of sophistication with your technology.

Calling in professionals to make your home “restaurant clean”

I call it “restaurant clean” because it’s when you try to get your home to a level of cleanliness that approaches what you’d find in a nice restaurant. A clean home is good for your health and a wonderful gift to your guests, because we know that dirt and grime can make us sick. But you can overdo it, and it will be very stressful to try to remove every particle of dust, and make sure that everything looks absolutely perfect. Add to that, the damage you might do to your wallet by hiring a cleaning service to come do the job for you.

A home that looks like a magazine house, but not a lived-in home

This is probably the biggest temptation people face when they think of having guests over their home for more than a meal. They want to show off their house and possessions and make it look like their life is impeccable. Again, giving your guests a clutter-free environment is a solid goal, but you should not care if your home looks like people actually live there. Leaving some books lying out or a pair of shoes by the door is what gives your home the feeling of being human. In fact, research shows that humans value authenticity in their relationships and that this can help build trust and connection.

Buying the nicest, most expensive, highly-rated items

Finally, we end with the last obvious way people try to make a good impression on others in their home, by buying the highest end appliances and pieces of furniture they can afford. There’s no denying the appeal of these things, and the status that comes with owning them. But to the people who matter most, these things do not matter. Research published in the Journal of Positive Psychology shows that the happiest people on earth are those that have close friends they can depend on. And so the friendliest, most inviting thing you can do for your guests is to treat them like family. Let them use your things and make themselves at home. And if you do this, I’m sure they won’t care what brand name it is, or how much it cost.